A Zoom recording of two songs by me. Just curious what people think. Best regards,
I'll tell you what I think because you asked, and obviously, just my opinion, nice work overall. The first song, sounds like a solo, I don't hear any clear melody, I also think it could be faster and that might help (I would try twice as fast). It does pick up as you go along, I still think the melody should be clearer and going faster I think would help.
Second song, has great potential, it's really pretty and interesting. The problem is that there is too much space and I was always waiting for the piano player to fill in the spaces. I think if you and the pianist were dead on in time with the melody, and the piano player actually played some chords underneath, reminds me of a Mike Moreno tune, World of Marionettes. I think you should really play it in (clear) time and not so loose, and add some nice chordal work underneath...and I wouldn't be able to tell that this wasn't a Moreno tune or someone of that calibre. Nice!
Thanks Jazznan, for the reply. Your thoughts are really relevant and helpful. The tempo in the first song should be fast, I just cant play the song faster than that. Perhaps in the future. I totally understand your point about the melody as well. Its a twelve tone song (harmony is 11s chords following a twelve tone row as well) and I wanted to create gestures with phrases corresponding with each other based on contour.
Your thoughts on the ballad are really nice too, warmed my heart. Thank you,
Cool, glad you thought my comments were positive, cause I intended them to be so. I thought that there was a lot of potential there, so keep it up!
I especially like the first one, early in the song. It was immediately refreshing to me the first time i heard it. I actually sat down to learn it and have played it in my head or on the guitar the past few days. Just that first 4 or 5 chord sequence. The feel reminds me of coltranes naima. Simple but thoughtful.
The second one gave me a bit of an aron parks vibe, so its funny moreno was mentioned.
Interesting you wrote one after your rabbit passed. We had to put down our cat a few days ago. Terrible, but it was time.
At any rate thanks for sharing these ideas man, keep refining them. Nice work.
I listened to your songs a few time and really like them. Really cool melodies & harmony.
Even though the second song already has a special atmosphere as it is i'd love to hear what it sounds like with some drums..
And I agree with jazznan that some more texture could be good in the second song. Also in the first song it might be cool if the pianist adds some textures or interesting rhytmic ideas?
Just my 2 cents..
Keep up the good work!
The first song is a really basic 12 tone song, straight forward (retrograds and inversions), and when the melody was written I just added 11s chords (like the first chords are E/D, B/C#, G/A, F/C, etc) and tried to fit that open vide those chords have with the melodies making the chords sounding more intresting.
Regarding the second song. The pianoplayer is a singer (she is absolutly fantastic) that I have a duo with, but I wanted her on this project just because I feel relaxed and safe with her. I often think its difficult to present my own material to people. She started working on the chords but she didnt have time to learn it as good as she wanted it, so we decided that she would double the melody while I played chords and melody. I want an even 8 drum beat to it, I think I listened to Our secret world alot when this was written and I think I had something like that in mind when I worked on it.
Once again, your opinions and feedback is very supportive and helpful. Thanks,
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